Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
