Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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