with your own penis?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
