guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
