he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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