He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
