so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
