So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Floor bacon is actually really good
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize