saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
