I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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