Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Never joke about your clitoris.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
