just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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