It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
