and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
