Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
