pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
