It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
