I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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