capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize