Your dad touched me again.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
