Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
