you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
my poor anus
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
