bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
