I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
