Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
