it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
