so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
