Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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