her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
