The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
