Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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