tell your sister to shave her snatch
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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