Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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