so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
