On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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