i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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