so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
