Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
