Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
