i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She needs sedatives and a leash
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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