if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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