Girls should come with a carfax report
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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