When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize