I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize