I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
