saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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