She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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