It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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