bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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