It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
