There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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