I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
