Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
