I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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