I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
