I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
