if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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