well I can't set my house on fire every night
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
