I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
