Got a toothbrush?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
