the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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