My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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