So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
