once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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