You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
