i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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