Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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