I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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