Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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