the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
